Step One: Engage the client, homeowner or agent as rudely as possible.
Step Two: Make negative remarks (boldly or under your breath) about the client’s, homeowner’s, agent’s, or anyone’s gender, race, class, (insert whatever protected class here).
Step Three: Race through your inspection as QUICKLY as possible. Think about trying to qualify for the Indie 500 with your inspection time.
Step Four: While inspecting, make a point to negatively comment about the home’s personal property.
Step Five: Ignore every single sale in the neighborhood. Or, if you have to use a sale in the neighborhood and your house is in C3/C4 condition, make sure to include a C5, REO, Fix-Up property and make NO adjustments for its condition or sale type.
Step Six: Don’t bother doing research for adjustments, just do what you feel.
Step Seven: Write the report in the sloppiest way possible. Don’t even THINK about using your software’s spell check program or run an E&O check. Remember, there are no red flags if you don’t go looking for them!
Step Eight: Make sure to describe the neighborhood as politically incorrect as possible. Use old offensive terms and be sure to get a little creative and use words like spicy, hobo, or trailer trash. And for good measure, better make sure to mention the racial and ethnic make up of the neighborhood. That ALWAYS helps.
Step Nine: Why look at market trends? You know which direction the market is going, just trust your gut!
Step Ten: Make sure to ignore any questions or concerns anyone has for you about your appraisal report. You know what you’re doing!
LEVEL UP!: Be sure to turn the report in as LATE as possible with NO communication or explanation as to its tardiness.
For more tips and tricks on how to loose your license and negatively impact the appraisal industry, please contact your state appraisal board and provide them with the worse report you’ve ever written.